I recently read multiple postings by mothers that are so stressed out, that they would likely sell off one or both kidneys to be able to create more time and have more money to devote to themselves and their family.

These were just a handful of the situations:

“I’m a single mother, I work full time, I have a 7 and 4 year old, I’m exhausted when I get home, but then I have to do school work, laundry, make dinner, clean the house and then get ready to do it all over again!  I have no time for myself!”

“I have three kids, I work full time, go to Grad school and still feel like I can never get ahead!”

“My husband is in the military and gone half the year, my son has lost all ability to potty train, and my daughter does exactly opposite of what I tell her to do!”

My heart just ached when I read all of these stressed out Mom’s postings.  They were screaming for help onto a random forum posting, not knowing where to go, just hoping that someone would listen to their cries for help!

Are you this mom?  Are you burning the candle at both ends?  Are you crying for help and thinking that no one can help you?

1. Listen to the flight attendant:

The first rule here is just to be aware that if you are at this point in your life where you are hanging on by a thread, do what every good flight attendant suggests in the event of cabin pressure failure: “Put the Oxygen Mask on yourself first before you put them on small children.”  Easier said than done?

If you consider the reasons, you are like the HUB of the WHEEL of your family. You are what keeps the family together, ungreased, the wheel doesn’t turn well, it’s squeaky and sticky.  With a well greased HUB, the wheel turns smoothly, effortlessly and can do more rotations than an ungreased hub.  Consider your goal to be as smooth as a greased hub.

Taking care of yourself means doing what you need to do to stay healthy. Eat well, take time for yourself, exercise, meditate etc…  Imagine what your family would do without you? If you are not taking care of yourself, you may continue down the road to sickness due to stress.  So first things first –You are first!

2. Slow down to ½ speed!

It is easy to feel that because we have more to do, we need to do it faster, more hurried, and feel rushed.  Yet, when we deliberately slow down the speed of our life, we are able to think more clearly and specifically about the task at hand.  It really is a funny paradox! You may not actually be doing less tasks when you slow your reaction speed down, it just feels like it!  What happens often is you feel more deliberate, your awareness comes into the present, and you can concentrate on the NOW task and not the FUTURE task.

3.Notice How Your Vibrations are Felt Through your Household Like ShockWaves:

Do you notice that when you have a bad day, and you are stressed, the moment you walk in the house, all of a sudden the kids are fighting and arguing, the dog is barking, there is chaos spreading like wildfire? Believe it or not, our energy levels have certain vibrational frequencies.  Children are very sensitive to these frequencies and react in strange and curious ways, and usually ways that tend to sound like nails screeching across the chalk boards.  Notice when you walk into your house calm, centered and peaceful?  The house can sense your “centeredness”, and mimics this energy level.  Its one of those mysterious universal principles.

4.Use your transitional Times and Take Mental Health Minutes:

When time is a precious commodity for you at this time in your life, it is imperative that you use small portions of time to re-center, recharge and rejuvenate.  You probably know this, but don’t mindfully practice this.  So, now I challenge you to mindfully practice this.  When you are driving home from work, put in peaceful calming music (I like to call it yoga music, easily downloadable from i-Tunes).  When you take a bathroom break, take 5 minutes, close your eyes and do some deep breathing exercises and positive thinking.

5. Design Your Day:

This was a new concept recently introduced to me.   At the beginning of the day, spend 2 minutes, grab your journal and decide consciously HOW you want the day to go, and HOW you want to feel.  For example, “I choose to happily drive to work, I will use the free time in the car to relax.  I choose to have joyous interactions with my coworkers.  My meetings will go easily and I will have easy resolutions to my challenges today. When I leave work, I will happily use that time to transition and be prepared and centered for my family.  I consciously choose to be present with my family in the evening, turning off my email and my phones.”  This only takes a couple of minutes, but you can see the impact that this has on your conscious and subconscious mind.  One of the beauties of this exercise is that you will not script your day to say “I wish work is difficult, I wish the kids will be bad, and I want to be angry and stressed!”  It just doesn’t work like that!

Do not expect that you will immediately practice all five steps right away.  Take one step a day and practice.  A mommy’s job is so important and vital to the health of the family.  So mind your thoughts, mind your health and have fun!

Stay tuned to Part 2 Tips for Stress Management – Moving into Action to Reduce Your Stress

I hear this all the time when I encounter people.  Working on two businesses from home, taking care of my husband (whom I might add is recovering quite nicely and doing a great job at this point of taking care of himself!), and shuttling the kids to and from school.  Homework, baseball, play dates, lunches, dinner etc…!

It doesn’t really seem that overwhelming when I am going through my day–well most days.

A LifeHacker’s Views on Time Management

It all starts with my morning, I am not a morning person typically, so I “roll” out of bed around 0730, praying that my husband has been able to make his way to the kitchen before me to put on my morning “heaven” (aka coffee.)  Morning really sets the tone for the rest of the day for me.  This is the part of the day that I have to really be present, to focus my energies, to align with the stars, to regain my Chi.…and ALL of it!  Because if I ALLOW my morning to go bad, then quite frequently I have a hard time getting in front of my day.

The concept of Time is a funny one to me, because some days just seem to go by so quickly and some are a meaningless mess and drag out forever!  Yet, Time always Feels in my favor, when I have a chance to get my energy AHEAD of TIME.  Makes sense or no?  If I can be present in the NOW, slow down my “reaction speeds” and work on my “proaction” speed, then it seems like Time is on my side.  ProActivity vs. ReActivity

Of course part of this proaction speed is defining my day! I define my day on several levels.

1. How do I want to FEEL today? What do I want my energy to be like?  Do I want to be a pissed off, angry mom?  Or do I want to be a happy, joyful, peaceful, fun mom?  (I choose the latter because it is more fun!)
2. What do I want to DO today? And for some this seems like a ridiculous question because you HAVE to do so many things.  So let me point you back to the idea of Proaction…  When you choose to do something, you allow yourself to feel proactive, it’s your choice, it’s your decision! Yay!  When you feel that you HAVE to do something, you’re reacting to outside influence…and well 99.999% of the time you’re the only one that can make the choice for YOU!!  So are you being responsible for your choice, or are you giving up your power of choice?  Think on this for a little while.…
3. What do I want to BE? This can be such a broad statement, but often I chose to be inspired, to be fun, to be happy!!  I also chose to BE a MOM, to be an Entrepreneur, to be a Runner.…  I get to choose these things everyday!  What do you choose?

A few simple steps to align your Mind with Clarity and good energy will allow you to get ahead of TIME!

(PS — I also do this trick, that was recommended by Zig Ziglar that on days when I roll out of bed and feel just cruddy, I jump up and down 10 times, laugh and say “This is the best day of my life!” “This is the best day of my life!”.…then I look in the mirror and say “I’m talking to you–turn that frown upside down!”  It is so ridiculous, but it’s a fantastic pattern interrupt!  Works!!)

I don’t know if you recognize that a lot of my posts are about getting your MIND and your ENERGY in the right spot.  Little of it has to do with how much time or effort I put into certain tasks.  I used to be that very task focused-driven person.…but it didn’t work for me, I was a miserable mess!  So I had to try something different.  Focusing on my thoughts before focusing on my actions was the BIGGEST difference.  IT works…no bullshit here!

Two more “No Bullshit” LifeHacker Tips:

The best Wheat Bread on this Side of the Mississippi:

This is the EASIEST bread recipe I have found.  You have to do it 2 or 3 times until you find the routine, and you will be asking why you spend so much on bread at the store!!

1. 1 cup warm water
2. 1 Tablespoon Milk
3. 2 Tablespoons oil
4. 3 Tablespoons Honey (I usually add more!)
5. 2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar ( I sometimes substitute Molasses)
6. 1 teaspoon Salt
7. 1–1/2 cups all-purpose flour
8. 1–1/2 cups whole wheat flour
9. 2 teaspoons instant active dry yeast.

1. Combine Ingredients #1-#6 in a large mixing bowl, stir.

2. Add flours and yeast, and knead (turn on the kitchenaid mixer) for 10–15 minutes.  Dough should be smooth and elastic.  Place dough in a greased bowl, turning once to grease top.  Cover with plastic wrap, let rise in warm area (usually above the refridgerator or oven works well.)

3. Punch down dough; knead for a few minutes until smooth then form into a loaf.  Place in a greased loaf pan and cover.  Let rise again until doubled, about 30 min.

4. Bake at 350 for 30–25 minutes.  Remove when done and allow to rest in pan just for a few minutes (any longer and it starts to sweat!)  Easy peasy!  Enjoy!

HOMEWORK!!

I don’t know about you, but my biggest battle with homework is trying to just get it done!!  How many times have I asked him?  Is it done yet?  Finally I was exasperated by my attempts to finish it the night before it was due (for us, it’s a Wednesday!) and I thought, well, I will do what many companies do when they want the job done ahead of schedule…factor in BONUSES!!

So his homework schedule looks like this:

Homework comes home on Friday due on Thursday.

If it’s complete by Monday — $3 bonus.…

If it’s complete by Tuesday — $2 bonus.…

If it’s complete by Wednesday $0!!!

Why $0 on Wednesday? The goal was to get him to complete his homework before crunch time, so now he’s self-motivated to complete his homework on Monday or Tuesday.  He doesn’t have to do it over the weekend, and he gets to choose when he wants to do it.  Either choice has an impact, but it’s ultimately his choice!!

Thanks to all of my readers who so graciously follow along with my posts!  You inspire me everyday to make great posts!  Feel free to drop me a line and make comments!!  Many Adventures to You! ~Makenzie

It was 15 years later that I would even think about stepping foot into a church again. Why? For my kids. Curious isn’t it?

It is such an interesting evolution that one’s life takes from being totally solo, to now flying with little wingmen. I’m the mamma plane and they follow my every move. For the last 7 years, I have to admit, I was somewhat annoyed that I couldn’t fly on my own, they were in my flight formation.

I really fought being a mother, every last ounce in me. It wasn’t that I didn’t love them, I loved them so much. What I hated is what I thought being a mom meant. I thought it meant I had to bake cookies, I had to be extra caring, I had to be attentive, I had to be “soft.” That wasn’t who I thought I was.

The funniest thing is that, when I decided to quit fighting motherhood, I learned an interesting fact about myself: I don’t think I’m a typical mom, and that’s okay–it’s really okay. And then, I found out that I really really like these little wingmen! In fact, I find that I learn more from them perhaps than they do from me for instance:

Life is Simple and Not Complicated

Children do not see a reason to complicate life. They wake up…no…they bounce out of bed, hop-hop-hop down the hall to the kitchen table. They’re just happy to see the sun shining and be awake! They don’t carry the baggage from yesterday’s events with them, they’re excited to see what today brings!
Rarely do they scour their closet for the perfect outfit, wondering who they may need to impress today. Nope. They get dressed in whatever clothes fit, and carry on about creating fun!

Question Even the Basic Assumptions

My older son asked me one day: “Mom, why do people confuse their Left and Right, but they don’t confuse their Up and Down?” *Silence* Um…ummmm…hmmm… That’s a really good question son, I am not quite sure how to answer that. Up, down, left, right, all directional, but maybe if our head was mounted in a different direction, we wouldn’t be so confused about the left and right? I have no idea.

Forgiveness is Natural

Yes, we get frustrated with our kids, and sometimes irrationally so. We get tired, we get cranky, and then they have to screech at the top of their lungs the most annoying sound in the world! Then here comes the evil mommy scream and yell.… Only to feel guilty about doing that 10 minutes later. We go to apologize, and they easily and readily accept the apology, it is natural for them to forgive. Carrying grudges, hating people and disdain is very foreign to them.

There is Fun Around Every Corner

As I am writing this post, my 5 year old has found my kitchen rolling pin, sitting on the office chair and playing “make the pizza” with his older brother. (Although honestly, I am waiting for one to hit the other over the head with the makeshift weapon!) Every waking moment is fun and exciting. No wonder they love to pop out of bed! Where did we lose this fun and excitement as adults? Perhaps we don’t see the wonder and fun in everyday…everyday becomes a chore for us.

Since I became the Adventurous Mom, I have realized that I appreciate my children more than they could know. I strive to become more like them, more curious, more forgiving, living simpler, questioning assumptions, forgiving quickly and having fun…every day!

What have your beautiful children taught you?

Thanks for stopping by, I really enjoy reading everyone’s comments and feedback!

Many Adventures to you!

Makenzie

Adventurous Mom Talks About Retirement from Makenzie Kelly on Vimeo.

Gasp!  I know.  I can’t believe I am saying this.  I really do believe that my son is smart, and at the same time, he does need guidance and a good “education”.  Sometimes I ask myself what type of education he is getting in school. 

The public schools of California rank 47th among the nation in spending and get a respective “D” for academic achievement.  Wow, he may learn more if I just drop him off at the local McDonalds everyday. 

But it is not just the California schools that aren’t teaching our kids.  I think as parents we get trapped into thinking that our children learn everything they need to at school.  But in, fact they do not. 

How are we to teach our kids about the love of adventure, about financial independence, about being creative and creating a living for themselves?  School will not teach that.  In fact, I never learned a thing about finance until I was well into college. 

Financial independence and how to create money is definitely not taught in school.  In fact one of my friends keyed it well when he said, “The only thing school teaches our kids, is how to be good workers.” 

Well, there is a much valued need for good workers.  But shall I doom my children to the rat race before they even have a chance?  Send them to school from 8 to 3, fill out the forms, get good grades, only to find out that they didn’t learn all the other needed skills? 

It is no wonder why there are more than 1 Mil homeschooled children in America.  And as more and more are studying the impact of homeschooled children, they are finding that homeschoolers are more motivated, smarter and graduate earlier than their respective peers. 

I had the opportunity to meet one such homeschooled woman the other day.  She finished high school at 16!  She gained an average of 2 years to live her life and do what she wanted by taking this route.

When time is such a precious commoditiy, as I believe it is, is it possible school, the way it is now,  is just a waste of time?

How could I be such a bad mother? How could I drop this fragile ball? How did I not see this coming? What other balls might I be dropping next? I was coming off of my “I’m so lucky to be alive” High.…how can this happen now?

I was distraught to say the least. It took me several days, meetings with the principal and scheduled meetings with the teacher, phone calls to my mom, discussions with my sisters and husband, my coach, and probably half a dozen others to realize that yes Virginia.…I am human. Perhaps my reaction was an over-reaction because of the emotional nature of this situation. But another hard lesson learned.…I must realize and be okay with the pain that may come by my human failures. Failing is merely a judgment, so did I really fail? Who is my biggest judge of this, ME?

Taking a step back, my husband and I realize that our First Grader WILL be moving onto Second Grade next year. He is reading at Third Grade level and zooms through math like a little savant. He is a Cy Young award winning pitcher that stinks at batting. He needs some batting practice, and he’ll eventually be making base hits and RBIs.

So, solution number one is getting my son the help he needs with writing.…EASY! Solution number two is learning how to curb my emotional response when I have these big upsets. Not so easy, but do-able. In previous blogs, I describe the pain/pleasure continuum and how life’s difficult situations are used to teach us lessons. This was a big lesson for me, for two reasons: 1. I feel I should communicate more effectively with my children’s teachers so I don’t get blind-sighted with this kind of news. 2. Anticipate (but don’t expect) emotional upsets and learn a constructive emotional response to these set-backs. I don’t think that I refuse to get “mad, sad, angry, or frustrated”, but allow myself to feel these emotions without being personally destructive with these emotions. They’re healthy emotions to set us back on the right course, help us regain our balance and then to become better balanced so we don’t get thrown off-kilter so easily again.

So, yes, I am human. I do have “bad days”, I am learning to keep my bad days fewer and far between. I strive to live each day enjoyably, with passion and doing what I love. My children deserve a mom that is passionate.…teaching them this life lesson is invaluable!